didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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