you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
