I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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