I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
