she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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