I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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