ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
