You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
