The maid of honor just puked.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
