I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
