i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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