Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
