you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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