Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
