So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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