And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
