you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
