she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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