Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
