Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we have pet lesbian snakes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize