P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do herpes really smell.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
