he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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