He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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