Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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