I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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