get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize