Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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