you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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