Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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