it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
