I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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