i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Shame is for Republicans.
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