I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
