On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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