you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize