how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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