I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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