he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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