Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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