WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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