Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
