dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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