Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
