And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
