I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
