I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
