he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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