And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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