Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
