you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
