We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
