I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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