I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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