She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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