The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
