My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
