real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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