and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
