I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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