Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
