Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
