i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
