I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
