saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
