miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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