He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
