She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
