Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
