speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
